another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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