you guys were way drunker than both of me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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