I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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