I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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