i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
