shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
