i think my tv is drunk
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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