Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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