im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
