She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
