From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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