do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
