So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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