Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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