i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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