If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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