Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
