And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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