Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
