you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
