you would pick up someone in the library
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
