I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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