I could have mohawked her pubes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
