I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
