who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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