Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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