Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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