Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
