Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
