Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
