the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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