why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
