It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
