i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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