Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
