His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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