i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
