We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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