He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
