bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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