if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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