i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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