Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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