So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
