doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
