Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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