After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
