Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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