dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
