That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
