I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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