Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
