I'm gonna have a badass scar
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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