i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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