he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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