A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She bit a glass in half.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
