Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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