he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
