the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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