She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
