I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
