i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
