I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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