I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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