I smell stomach acid.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
