so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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