either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
