i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
