btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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