This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
