Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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